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Literature Text
Many of us think of Facebook as a safe, socially acceptable way to communicate with friends, stalk attractive females, and annoy your peers, but that is far from the truth. The website was actually created by a possessed Harvard student whose goal was to collect the souls of millions of Harvard students. Ever since then millions of people have suffered from the negative effects which I shall inform you of.
EXTREME NARCISSISM: Facebook is known to cause it's users to become narcissistic douchebags. It is unknown what causes this but there are many theories, the most popular of them all is the I-Think-I-AM-SO-COOL theory. This theory states that after taking 50987 mirror shots, spending ten hours daily on Facebook, and using those spammy applications that you lose your natural social skills. The result of this is the total disregard to others and the illusion that you are cool. These Facebook narcissists are often found posting (correction: reposting) seventeen status updates and taking many cam whore-esque shots.
ENVY: We all know that when you are going through your news feed on a perfectly sunny Saturday afternoon that you aren't spreading your goodwill, but your hate. You wish that you were at that water park with Jennifer around your arms, instead you are staying at home eating chocolate Cherios while watching InuYasha. These people cause you to feel like a hermit that does nothing - ever!
PROCRASTINATION: We all know that we have been tempted bythe nice curves Facebook to procrastinate.We know that we won't get anything from it, but we keep coming back. When you are doing your homework or trying to get something done something in the back of your head tells you to go on the bloody website! Even when you are doing something enjoyab - wait, sorry, I think I might have a notification.
UNORIGINALITY: We have all done it at least once. We have all wanted to get the sweet satisfaction of that one button. Oh, we want to be liked - liked by so much people, but to do so we do the most shameless things. We take any funny thing we here, any clever thought and use it as a status just for a like. This will soon cause you to be an unoriginal, talentless person with no soul. True story.
WASTED TIME: Nothing productive was done, you could have just read about string theory, donated that money you spent on Farmville to charity, or done your homework. SHAME ON YOU!
EXTREME NARCISSISM: Facebook is known to cause it's users to become narcissistic douchebags. It is unknown what causes this but there are many theories, the most popular of them all is the I-Think-I-AM-SO-COOL theory. This theory states that after taking 50987 mirror shots, spending ten hours daily on Facebook, and using those spammy applications that you lose your natural social skills. The result of this is the total disregard to others and the illusion that you are cool. These Facebook narcissists are often found posting (correction: reposting) seventeen status updates and taking many cam whore-esque shots.
ENVY: We all know that when you are going through your news feed on a perfectly sunny Saturday afternoon that you aren't spreading your goodwill, but your hate. You wish that you were at that water park with Jennifer around your arms, instead you are staying at home eating chocolate Cherios while watching InuYasha. These people cause you to feel like a hermit that does nothing - ever!
PROCRASTINATION: We all know that we have been tempted by
UNORIGINALITY: We have all done it at least once. We have all wanted to get the sweet satisfaction of that one button. Oh, we want to be liked - liked by so much people, but to do so we do the most shameless things. We take any funny thing we here, any clever thought and use it as a status just for a like. This will soon cause you to be an unoriginal, talentless person with no soul. True story.
WASTED TIME: Nothing productive was done, you could have just read about string theory, donated that money you spent on Farmville to charity, or done your homework. SHAME ON YOU!
I use it, but am not changed by it's ways.
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Actually, I pollute (?) my friends' timelines with rants against capitalism and imperialism (and sometimes religion).